And so it begins, with a fresh start and a blank slate…
Well, maybe not so much a fresh start as just a veer off onto another road. Maybe a road less traveled by? Oh now see if you get me going I’ll start making all kinds of literary innuendos in a desperate attempt to not only get your attention, but to leave you thinking ‘hey maybe she actually knows what the fuck she is talking about’. Don’t worry, I don’t. I mean it, really. I seriously don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about the majority of the time.
It’s weird- I believe myself to be rather intelligent, my mind works very quickly, I over think everything and am very good at breaking things apart and looking at them from every angle. True I often look too deep into things, but that way I know the answer. Because that is the worst thing of all you know- to not know the answer. I never speak up with said answer though, because that would draw attention to myself, and God fucking forbid I was wrong! That’s just not an option.
See look at that, I went on a tangent. Or as a friend said I went on a tributary- I counter this by stating I went on a viaduct. Why? I don’t know, because it is a fun word- and a pretty cool architectural piece of work. Mostly because I really like the word- Viaduct. It’s just fun right?
So as I tributary along, I’ll try and get back to my original point. Intelligence! Yes, as I was saying, I believe myself to be average if not above average intelligence- but for the first time in my life I feel like I am the stupid one in the crowd of educated masses. This may be because I work with a slew of physicians and therapists, and all kinds of other people who hold not only three Bachelors but also a Master here and there. Oh and throw in a Doctorate as well! I mean I’m smart, but my smart is the kind that I’ve learned through living. Street smart they call it. Sure I had my fair share of time on the street, but my know how came from books. From reading and discovering and seeing what these people did- and then over evaluating every tiny thing they did and why they did it.
It makes sleeping very difficult, let me tell you. Lying your head there on the pillow, unable to shut your brain down because you’re going over every piece of what happened during an event and what it could all mean. Of course because my fun little brand of anxiety- so kindly named Panic Disorder- it is usually situations where I believed I’ve acted like an idiot that I can’t get out of my head.
But we will continue on with that at a separate venture. Don’t want to start you off too soon with the crazy.
So after all the tributary[ing], and viaduct[ing], I’ll leave you with a welcome. I shall continue to write this as if someone would actually read it- and if someone does I hope I entertain you. If not, I entertain myself and that really is all that matters in life.
Ah, yes, that is me in the picture. I’ll have more stories that go along with my physical as well as mental image at other ventures in time. But for now, here at least in an idea of who you’re reading about.